One of the toughest things to do is to listen to people you don’t respect and it is even tougher when they give parenting advice. Here are some tips on how to deal with that.
In a recent parenting article I read there was a shocking statement that children turn out to be just like they are parents. What a shock, right? But if you think about it, isn’t it the truth? How many of you are just like your parents. Not just personality wise, but career, income, hobbies, likes and dislikes and so on?
Sometimes when I’m dealing with my kids, I think to myself,’ My goodness it might just like my dad,’ or,’ That is something my dad would say.’ In fact I am sure most of our parents thought the same thing. Sure, we want things to be different. But, we return to what we know and what is comfortable.
This is why I say that yes your child will be a criminal, if you are a criminal. Your child will be a writer, if you are a writer and it goes on and on and on. It’s not something to worry about, because you turned out just fine. Even with your parents being who they are.
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What are parents good for. It was one of those issues that comes up and talking with many people.’ They didn’t do this for me, they didn’t do that for me, they didn’t buy me a new car, they let my younger brother and sisters do anything they want, I could have done so much more but my parents never really pushed me and so on and so forth.’ When people complain like this, there is generally some valid criticism. However once one a becomes a parent, one quickly realizes that your parents are just people trying to make the best of the situation.
In a recent conversation with my wife, where I said something about my parents. My wife said to me why to focus on the positive sides of what your parents did? It, shook me up a little bit. It made me realize that, “parents are just people trying to make the best of situation.” All parents have their flaws. This doesn’t mean that they’ve somehow ruined you, are made you an even worse person then maybe you think you are. Unless they pulled you out of school, physically handicapped you in some way or seriously deprived you of something, the reality is the parent probably did as much as they could for you.
While it is easy to blame your parents for your shortcomings. At the end of the day you’re responsible for who you are. They may not have had all the money that they needed to put into you, give you the best education they possibly could, or you made the best decisions about your life. This doesn’t mean that they’ve ruined you or that somehow you are less than what you really could be. In fact what you can learn from them is one of the most important things that they can give you, which is you can improve upon what your parents gave you. You can be a better parent than your parents. So instead of criticizing what your parents did focus on the positives, which are that they loved you, they took care of you, they didn’t break you permanently and they probably did the best that they could with you. So taking all that and applying that to your being a parent or an adult, you can make this world for yourself and for your children a better place.
“Fotothek df roe-neg 0006284 020 Mann und Frau mit Kinderwagen” by Deutsche Fotothek. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 de via Wikimedia Commons – http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fotothek_df_roe-neg_0006284_020_Mann_und_Frau_mit_Kinderwagen.jpg#/media/File:Fotothek_df_roe-neg_0006284_020_Mann_und_Frau_mit_Kinderwagen.jpg
This is always a good discussion to engage in. should children get an allowance?
We have likely all been there, it’s been years since you lived with your parents and yet when you visit them you fall back into regular patterns as though you never left. Even things that haven’t bothered you for you years now can drive you crazy and things don’t change. While with your parents many things are over looked and forgivable it isn’t always the same with your siblings. Even though they may be married, have kids and successful careers there are things that still make people fly into a fit of rage or hurt feelings. How does one address this? How do you change the perception of each especially when overall things have changed pretty dramatically.
This issue isn’t just relegated to young adults who live with one another. It can also be much older siblings who have not seen eye to eye for many, many years. Old patterns form very quickly when the parties get back together. One of those issues that I have noticed in dealing with siblings that there is a certain amount of competition. You start comparing achievements against each other. Even when their lives have taken different turns. I have a successful career, two degrees, a wonderful wife and 3 awesome kids. When I look at my siblings they have successful careers and degrees and are married to wonderful people to me those are great achievements. I am very proud of what each one has done, if I could write like my sister I would probably have a blog with a million readers.
But achievements and lives are compared to one another and the next thing you know people are arguing about things and complaining about underlying motives. No, just cause something is said does not meant that there is some kind of underlying motive behind it. This is one issue that I perceive in many families. This can be overcome by talking about it and bringing it into the light. Accepting past mistakes and talking about what happened can lead to a reconciling that may not be possible otherwise. Another benefit of being happy for others and their achievements helps a lot in not getting frustrated with family members. Yes it can be frustrating to see people do better then you but you will likely get there one day too. You can also learn from them and strive to be like them and how they achieved their goals.
How do you reconcile issues within your family?
The Frailty of life: http://libertariandad.wordpress.com/2013/12/06/the-frailty-of-life/