To some, going out on a date is the same thing as dating.

datingRecently a friend of mine posted this on Facebook. So I had to comment on it. “This is a bit of semantics. You can go on a date with some one to see if there is something there without focusing on getting married. If you like the person and you go on to something more serious, then focus on marriage. Which is likely why you went on a date in the first place. However to go on a date with the only premise is to get married can lead to a lot of hurt feelings.” Now I know what a lot of people are going to say. BUT, BUT…you date to get married. Well that is what I said in the comments, you go on a date to find out about a person, you date (courtship what ever you want to call it) with the premise to get married.

Its one of those very touchy subjects I have discovered because people have such different expectations out of a relationship. Its almost as though people watch a lot of Disney movies and expect your first date to be the one for you, unfortunately it is very likely that it wont be. Sure it would be nice, to meet the love of your life on the first date but it most likely isn’t going to happen. I mean were you best friends with your best friend the first time you met them, probably not. So while I am not trying to be a debby downer, the reality is that it will probably take a couple of dates. This is why e-harmony and exist. You don’t have to get emotionally involved right away, that is the beauty of a date. You can go out have a good time and if you find you don’t like the person then you do not have so much tied up into the relationship. Sure people can get their feelings hurt, but that is part of growing.

But to me much of a relationship is much more then the first date or being fanatically in love. In my 8 years of marriage we have been through a lot and there have lots of not at all romantic events in fact some were down right horrible. But it makes your relationship stronger in the long run and you know that the person wants to be there with you. In fact it makes you want to be with that person more. The memories definitely bind you more and more together. So if you want that kind of relationship then be picky and go on a date with a couple of people before you decide that this could be the one.

Read more:

Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed.

I didn’t do courtship (On The Fundamental Flaw with Courtship)

My beautiful wife and me
My beautiful wife and me

I recently read the article “Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed” and I can tell you that it definitely resonated with me. This is cause I was raised in a conservative house hold and I experienced with full force the book “I kissed dating goodbye.” My dad even taught the course at my church. This is why this article struck home with me, it really put forward a lot of the issues that I had with the whole issue of courtship. That’s not to say that I completely disagree with courtship, however there is a healthy balance between dating and going steady. Also lets not forget that this article doesn’t dismiss courtship outright, it addresses some of the pitfalls that this form of relationship has.

I posted the image of my wife and me cause I didn’t court my wife. We dated over the course of a couple of months before we actually started “going steady”. I did however ask her dad for her hand in marriage. I feel that it is a sign of respect, also it shows that you realize that you are joining families and that you are entering into his family. I have now been very happily married for almost 8 years and wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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